Reflections on a Decade of Lost Dreams & Hope Through New Goals

Hello & welcome to another story of a Cup of Coffee for your Soul

As a kid, I was a dreamer; I dreamt a lot.

I had big goals, and as I said, I was daydreaming all the time. There was one dream I always had since I was a little kid: I wanted to go to the USA for a long period of time, or maybe even move there. I was so determined about that dream; people thought I was crazy.

Talking about moving to another country at such a young age was something which was not very common where I lived.

I grew up in the countryside; people there lived a good but regular life. I always knew I wanted more. I also never really liked life in a village. I thought I didn’t really belong there, and I really had a hard time fitting in for a long time, even at school.

People thought I would be a dreamer and that I didn’t really care about reality. People even said I should stop dreaming and start getting better in school. What a joke, I thought. Still, it made me feel sad and depressed sometimes. Sometimes I even thought there was something wrong with me.

I sometimes even wished I belonged to the other groups and that I didn’t have such big dreams and goals for my future. I saw the life I wanted before my eyes, and it felt very real.

My biggest goal was, as mentioned, going to the USA for a longer period of time. The summer before my graduation, I went to Chicago for 4 weeks to attend an English course.

Now looking back, I really think I was such a young girl, but I just had to do it. I’m glad I had the chance and that my mom supported me in that decision because most people did not.

It was the time of my life. So after that, I just knew I had to leave for a longer period of time after graduation.

When graduation came close, relatives and friends would ask me what my plan was, if I would attend college or search for a job.

When I told them that I would leave for the USA for one year, they were so surprised, and I was just surprised and a bit mad inside. Hadn’t they listened for the last almost 19 years at all?

So even a few weeks before I left as an au pair to the states, some people really thought it was great what I was doing; they were very supportive. But even then, some thought I would be crazy and that I would not stay there for one year, that I would come back earlier.

Of course, I did not come home earlier, and of course, not every day was easy peasy. But I am glad I did it. It was for sure, one of the best years ever! I still dream about it a lot.

Even one part of me even had to do it because if I would not have, I would have regretted it forever! There is nothing I am more afraid of than regrets!

So, this was already a long time ago.

I was 20 when I came back after that year, and today while writing this, I am 30. Since then, I was kind of on a lost track, lost in the job industry, lost with my goals, with my life.

Don’t get me wrong; I had plenty of great times, great friends, parties, people I care about, great moments, and great travels. I do, however, miss something. I haven’t really found a new excitement and enjoyment. I was even so lost that I worked a job for several years, which made me really sad and sick.

Now I realize why I was so lost in the last ten years. I just had one goal my whole life since I was a little kid, and I made this dream come true at a very early stage of my life. I hadn’t even thought about what comes next, what I will be doing next or whatever.

It was just this one goal for me. I had this goal so early that I lost track of my next steps. I even forgot about it and found myself in the daily hustle of life while the years went by.

I am glad that I came to this conclusion now. Now I know what the issue was, and now it is on me to figure out how to reach my next big goals and dreams.

And I know I will reach them, also like I did before.

But now I will keep them mostly to myself, as some people might still think I am just a dreamer, a too damn big dreamer.

But if your dreams don’t scare you, they are not big enough!

Keep on dreaming and doing.

Katrin

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